Welcome to another season of Idol. I will be judging and recommending the elimination of most of the people you see tonight including Paula Abdul. Live Blogging begins in less than 1 hour.
Live Blogging beings after some sappy beginning with the biggest hole ever to grace a TV screen, The Grand Canyon. What did you think I was talking about, Ryan Seacrest?
We get the Kara Dioguardi introduction.
First audition is with a half Vietnamese guy with a huge ‘fro Twan Win. He wants to be as big as Michael Jackson and Britney Spears. What the fuck is this guy thinking? Randy likes the ‘fro, but they all pass on his singing.
Emily Hughes is the singer in an all girl rock band. She auditions with Barracuda and sounds pretty good. Simon likes her and everyone does too. She is through to Hollywood. Paula says Top 5. I will say with Top 12, maybe. There are a lot of people still left to go.
Randy The Rocker cries. Katy is about to hate him singing Livin’ on a Prayer. I agree with Simon this guy is wimpy. This is a song that is sung from your balls, which is pretty hard to do when you lack a pair. The ladies try and be a lot nice to him.
J.B. Afhua has a pretty good voice, better than mine. Simon says loosen up. The his through. He says he wants this for his family, but he has to want this for himself if he wants to win.
Michael Gurr was another contestant they put on so we had someone shitty to see. They were a lot nicer to him than Randy, but he didn’t have the attitude either.
Will Kunick sounds like he is pushing words out his cunt.
Shawn Vasquez doesn’t even get a chance to be thrown out of Hollywood for being too queer.
X-Ray (Aundrey Caraway) is a Phoenix native and singing Cactus Baby. I think he rode the short bus to school. They get security to push him off stage.
Arianna Asfar is not only a cute girl deserving of a second show, but she has a voice. The judges love her and with 4 yeses she is through.
Ryan promises that Bikini Girl is coming out and the claws will come out. I am all over this.
Elijah Scarlett has the deepest natural voice I have ever heard. Barry White is not for him. Simon was not kind. Paula says maybe he could do voice over work.
Lea Marie is 15 going on stupid. Thinks she is a cross between Hillary Duff and Madonna. She spins, she twirls, she falls on her ass. She is sort of cute, but a complete kiss ass. The Connecticut cowgirl is going to try and impress us. She can sing and is cute let’s put her through. She has a few rough spots, but they think she is not ready. She could be the one they bring back as promised.
Stevie Wright is named for Stevie Nicks. She plans on being bubbly, this is going to be a train wreck even if she is cute. Singing At Last by Eta James. I turned away and decided that she could record this and I wouldn’t know she was a bubbly white girl. Let’s put her through. Simon tells her she needs to become a bit selfish and grow some teeth. Bubbly combined with sharp teeth is usually a fellatio accident in the making.
Still no Bikini Girl!
Michael Sarver is an oil rig roughneck, meaning he is the complete opposite of Ryan Seacrest. He also has a voice. He is going to do well in this contest.
Is it over yet? This was horrible.
Bikini Girl is making Randy go wow. Katrina Derrel sings beautiful. Simon and Randy say yes. The ladies hate her and she hates them right back. I was hoping for a smack down, or at least a spanking. Katrina kisses Ryan to I kissed a Girl. After Micahel Sarver’s slam of Ryan I think someone is trying to say something about him.
Sexual Chocolate should be paired up with Sex the Dancing Tranny. His voice isn’t bad, so I might eventually take it back. Now that I know he gets a car for sucking I am don’t feel bad.
Brianna Quijada sings Let’s Hear it For The Boy. She gets a second song, but nerves get her. The judges are trying to get her to stop. The judges split with Paula and Simon saying yes.
Deanna Brown is cute Texan snagging other people’s family. She also snagged Otis’s song like it was hers. The cute blond Texan is going to Hollywood.
Cody Sheldom the horror film maker looks like a Sanjaya wanna be, but he sings much better. He isn’t good enough to win, but even if he fails, William Hung won’t have finance his first real album.
Alex has been in his closet singing. I think he is still in there in many ways. His voice is pretty good. He sang in pitch which gets him to Hollywood despite Simon not liking him.
The Wanted Dead or Alive auditions killed all the judges.
Scott MacIntyre, who from this point forth in the show will most likely be known just as ‘that blind guy’ no matter how well he sings is up last. He plays beautiful piano and sounds good in the pre-audition bit. He wants to be an inspiration, and I think he is. He sings well in the audition. We have four yeses and an end to the night. Tune in tomorrow.
