I like seeing The Dallas Cowboys lose every time they take the field, except maybe to the Raiders, who I dislike even more. Yes folks, I am from Northwest Missouri and genetically a KC Chief’s fan. However this is not about my abnormality as my neighbors who are enthralled with the Browns or the Bungles call it. This post is about the ever hardworking Terrell Owens and his candy assed quarterback, Tony Romo. After a loss which both Tony’s girlfriend Jessica Simpson attended and Tony’s mind no so much, it was well decided by both the fans and the loquaciously fair T.O. that she should just stay away. Of course they felt this way when Tony’s previously worst game was caused by his former girlfriend, Carrie Underwood. Since Tony is such a wonderful player, I mean expensive quarterback, without which no team could ever hope of winning a single game it is obviously someone else’s fault.
Let’s dissect this a bit into why it is his girlfriends fault that he plays bad.
- Carrie Underwood has a wonderful voice is extremely hot.
- Jessica Simpson isn’t hideously homely and looks like she would be a good fuck.
- Carrie Underwood is a fairly sedate normal seeming woman.
- Jessica Simpson is an OTT kid who just never grew up, even as her breasts filled out.
- Carrie Underwood is a star and doesn’t need to be around the famous to be noticed.
- Jessica Simpson is famous for needing to be around other famous people, since they are the only ones that could understand or appreciate her.
After a little detailed analysis the evidence says it all. The two women are so much alike that they bring bad luck into the stands causing total chaos. They should be slapped with a professional sports star restraining order, banning them from not only associating with people in the industry but also from dreaming about their penises, a ball shrinking activity that deprives players of enough testosterone to make winning possible.
Poor Tony what is he going to do. His girlfriends cause referees to make bad calls since the instant replay cameras are trained on the famous women instead of the field. The coaches call for bad plays or dangerous offensive lines for Tony, since without him they might just score with the bereaved girlfriends. The pair cause other players to lose focus out of jealousy wondering when it will be their turn to fuck something famous. They cause Tony to show off and leave his mind in their unmatrimonial bed wondering if he will have to pay child support. The water boy gets a stiffy every time he thinks about Tony’s luck with two famous girls distracting him from duties. Last but not least they keep Terrell Owens from scoring which just makes him run his mouth. As we all know, T.O. is good at finding the right person to blame, and couldn’t be wrong here. With all that playing against Tony’s girlfriends we can only have one solution, Tony Romo should go gay! This is the solution that will improve everyone’s chance of getting lucky with Tony and keep his eyes where they are suppose to be at every snap, right on the center’s ass. The team will undoubtedly give him fully erect support for his decision to come out the locker room.
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posted in forum Cool Science Stuff by CSK001 on January 6, 2009
